Thursday, November 25, 2010

The Fabrengen of the Year

“The Facebook app is made for fabrengens.”



The young man woke up to in the bright zal


His cup of coffee was waiting for him. Everyone had just stopped singing. That was the trick; doze off during the niggunim and return to earth when the Rosh, Rabbi Cohen, began to speak again. It was four in the morning, they started the night before at a quarter past nine and the young man hadn’t missed a word spoken by the captivating Rabbi Cohen.


It’s like a serious minded Captain Jack Sparrow fabrenging with us.


R Cohen’s witty humour, genius tales, inspirational reprimands, and absolutely captivating intonations carried the young man though the night. Every time he dozed off he awoke to discover a few less people present, but he and about a dozen others remained affixed.


“It’s in order to spread the teachings to the OUTside, yes? [to Moishe] Do you know what it means OUT side? Do you? Yes? No no no no, do you know? I don’t mean SYDNEY..”


The man was 70 years old yet his voice filled the entire zal for hours on end. He had been doing this for years and was still as sharp as anyone could be. He knew how to take a problem and put it right up in your face and tell you exactly what needed to be done. Better yet, he made you feel that it needed to be done.


“I expect to start hodu at HALF PAST five, BUT...AFter we go to mikva. Ah, so it is closed. Ah...BUT...[pulls it out] I have a KEY. This is guaranteed to...get us into the WAter...”


The young man jumped up to get hi towel and rush out to the dark empty street to the mikva. It had been the night that would carry him through the year...

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Little Known Fact

G-d has been jipping the rest of the world with some knockoff


Thursday, November 18, 2010

Monday is the New Sunday


Dinga linga ling...

Dinga linga ling...


Ughhhh


Bleep, boop


3:45AM


The young man gets up and heads over to the dark dining room. He says brochos and makes himself a coffee to wake up. In the dark. The sun won’t be shining soon. His friend enters from the hallway appearing a little less slumber-some than the young American man.


“Are you ready to go?”

“mmmm...”


The things we do for this.


The two set out onto the dark and empty street. They were able to walk up the hill right in the middle of the road. There was no traffic. It was cold and a little breezy. It was still dark. There was no one.


They got to the house and unlocked the door. Stealthily they made their way through the hallway, taking small pains to remain silent. They set up what they needed in the living room. Then they went to the kitchen, heated something in the microwave, and brought it back to the living room.


It was snitzel and chips

At 4AM?




Football!!


They ate their nosh and cheered for Miami as they took advantage of the time difference.


After all

With such a long yeshiva day

When else can you watch football than 4 AM?








Thursday, November 4, 2010

No Cell Phones Allowed

Just finished davnening

Taking off teffilin


Suddenly


Beep!....

[everyone freezes]


....

...Welcome, if you’d like to-


Ahem!

Cough cough ahem!

Cough aha-ahem

Cough Ahem Cough

Make an emergency call press 1 for...

Cough aghhem ahem uhu!


Oh geez

Whew

Rabbi didn’t know what all the racket was for

gotta thanks the guys for the cover