How it Feels to Win

There was a mivtza for Gimmel Tammuz

You could win a tip to NY to be with the Rebbe

I’ve never been with the Rebbe for Gimmel Tammuz

I participated

First time ever did

No one ever wins a raffle

But this one was harder

Less would be in it

I had a bigger chance

I really wanted to go

I deserved to go

I told G-d I did

He knew it to

Three weeks

We all got papers (duchs) w/ boxes for every day

Chitas,

Rambam,

Tzedaka before davening,

mikveh,

brochos w/ hat & jacket,

krias shma w/ hat & jacket

you had to check at least 40 boxes a week

plus watch a vid of the Rebbe for 15 min a week

and learn sichos for every week and take a written test

and relay a whole maamor orally

I checked my boxes

Passed my tests

Learned my maamor

(I actually memorized the first page word-for-word)

Spoke to G-d about it

How I wanted to go

The night came

We had a fabrengen

I left to learn

Came back for the raffle

We danced

We sang

Two pushkas

One w/ names

One filled w/ papers saying lo zocha

And one paper saying zocha

Name after name

I knew it the whole time

I worked on it

I’ve improved myself since coming here

I’m becoming what G-d wants

I knew he’d do this for me

I whispered a quick request for Hashem

Let me win

As I got a couple dollars for tzedoka

And asked G-d one more time

Was the moment they said it

Finally a name was matched w/ those coveted words

Zocha

Danced

Sang

And finally

The paper on which my name was written

Was announced

Oh thank G-d

I lost

………

I lost to someone who deserved it more than I

I bludged a little on those boxes

I cut out a bit on the Rebbe vid

But more than that:

I wanted to go for the wrong reasons

And you can’t fool G-d

I looked up at G-d and shrugged my shoulders

Yea

I get it

He’s a better bochur than I

I’m yet to deserve it myself

I’m not jealous

I left it’s late I have a test tomorrow

I davened krias shma w/ a heavy heart

But not a regretful heart

I woulda done it all again

Because you can never say I lost

I learned a lot of sichos

That spoke of the profoundness of a rebbe

And what it means to connect w/ him

I know a maamor forwards and backwards

How G-d gives us the strength for misirus Nefesh

And these past three weeks will last a lifetime

And this knowledge will go from me to hundreds more

You can never say I lost

Sure I lost the raffle

Sure I didn’t deserve to go

But that don’t put me down

I aint like that

It brings me up

Losing only means I look for what’s next

Work even harder

Fill up that empty feeling

Bounce back and be all I can be

Because next time

I will deserve it

That’s not losing