Guide to the POed

“I’m an optimist

It’s not my fault y’all piss me off”

I’m a happy person

But the way everything is

I don’t see how sensible people couldn’t get

P Oed

So what’d’ya do when you’re annoyed at everything around you?

What’d’ya do when talkin’ about it aint gonna help?

Especially when it’s those around you makin’ you sour

Folks

I bring you the cure

How to be P Oed

1. Yell at inanimate objects. Good way to start. Pillows are the best since they muffle the sound. Walls are a good alternative. Whatever you yell at is fine. Just yell at it as if you blame it for your crappy day. Call it names. Call it fat and ugly. Kick it, hit it, bite it (not hard objects). Ask it out on a date and not show up. Lower its self-esteem in any way possible. It’ll make you feel better. Make sure you do this in privacy. People will think you’re a freaking nut.

2. Be blunt and snappy at the dumber people. Let’s face it. It’s these very people that got you in this mood. Being frank and straightforward in a way that happens to make their unintelligence a little highlighted is well deserved. Don’t be mean, but it need not be a secret they annoy the hell out of you at the moment. The more dummies that surround you the better. Spread your evil around in small increments.

3. Throw away garbage in a dramatic fashion. Loose rubbish is annoying as it is anyway. Make it obvious. People will stay out of your way. Or they’ll bug you about your sour mood in which case refer to #2.

The following are for really bad hopeless days

(Like during camp or right before the Lag B’omer play)

4. Alcohol. Hey it’s how I get through seder sometimes. Wine is ideal. Not in excess, but a glass or two later and you’re likely to just say “screw it, life is great anyway.”

5. Destroy something. You mean to tell me #4 didn’t work? My you are having a &$*#y day. Well I usually utterly destroy something. Glass is the most satisfying. It breaks into a million pieces and grants a nice audio feedback as well. It’s also pretty easy to find and disposable. It does make a mess though, so a good alternative would be wood. You can set wood on fire for a sweet finale after you’re finished beating the &^#$ out of it. Hitting stuff with a baseball bat is fun, efficient and safe. You have to put your heart into this. Also probably not the best thing to do right after #4.

6. Throw chairs or other large objects. This is kinda fun too. A great alternative if nothing is available for #5. Throwing it down a flight of stairs or off a building is the best way to do it. Make sure you don’t hurt someone. Nothing wrong with ‘accidentally’ hitting them, just don’t hurt them.

7. Punch and kick stuff. Pillows, slabs of meat, or walls. Not dry wall. Did that once, bad idea.

8. Lie on top of a table in the middle of the cafeteria or classroom and eat oranges. On second thought, this might only work for me, but heck why not try it out and see how you feel. After #5, 6, and 7 I’ll bet you’re tired anyway.

Feel better?

NO!?

Go back to #4 and stick to it