The Book(s) of Life

We read the paper. Check the news online. Often we see a snippet; so-and-so was killed in an accident. We say or think “hm” (if we even do that) and continue to the sports page to read about more important matters.

During shiur I got a text. I saw a name. Interesting that he’d text me now, but I think I know what it’s about. I’ve been expecting him to contact me for some time now about a deal we made. I never followed up on it and now I’ll have to explain that to him, but it can wait.

I got a phone call, and then a voicemail

I got a call right after, and another voicemail.

Right after shiur someone told me to call home.

Something was up. What did that text really say?

I flip to my inbox and scroll to his name. “*** ***…”

I opened it and discovered it wasn’t from him.

It was about him;

“*** *** was

killed in a boating

accident today.

Baruch dayan

hoemes. Call me.

”

I was shocked. Just that word; “killed”. What the heck is that word doing on my phone? It seemed hypothetical. Like it didn’t really happen, but this is what would happen if it did. These things don’t really ever happen, only in the news and to someone whose name you can’t remember. But it did, it’s right in my hand, that word.

Then the whole realization burst on scene. I know him. I see him every year. He comes every year for Succos. He bugs me about mivtzoim. I used to learn w/ him in Crown Heights. I just thought about him yesterday. I didn’t like him that much. He was too loud. He was funny though. Super smart. He knew the whole Tanya. I promised him I’d memorize the first chapter. He donated to Yeshivabound.

We weren’t close or anything, but he was one of the characters who played a part in the long story of my life.

With a push of a button on my cell phone

He suddenly wasn’t

It’s too random

The whole rest of the day was strange. Just the whole idea; that somebody in your life is suddenly not. Not like they were sick and you expected it, but in a random instant. It’s an eerie feeling. It’s an itching awareness that some part of the world is no longer filled with what it’s supposed to be filled with.

It’s aggravating. I think of my life as a story book with chapters. There are all these people that have a part in it. They’re all on certain pages and they all contribute, in some way, parts to the whole book. And then all of a sudden G-d comes along and messes up a part. And he does it w/ a permanent marker so as not to take it back. He just takes away one of the people. It’s not right. Now there are all these missing snippets throughout the book. I get angry. I get incensed. G-d decided to take someone out of my book like that, before they could even finish their own book.

Thinking about all those missing snippets it dawns on me. What about all the missing paragraphs? All those missing chapters? On so many other books? Books where he played a leading role? Books that he was going to star in? Just took a bottle of whiteout and poured it everywhere, and now so many books have to have the remaining chapters rewritten missing huge sections. The anger, frustration, and sadness that entails is beyond my comprehension.

It’s an epiphany; to appreciate the value. The amount of pages and books each life helps write. How quickly it can be just… not there. The amount of pages that get torn out, chapters that get bungled, stories that don’t get written. It’s infinite.

Everyone keeps on writing though. The ink continues to flow in everyone’s story because all our books are just volumes in G-d’s galactic encyclopedia. Sometimes it looks like someone finished their story,

but they didn’t.

It’s just being written on another page

In G-d’s big huge book.

And soon the day will come

when we will all be able to read it again.