An Over Night Life: The Unexpected Destination

    The Young American Man was just on time for his flight. He had the most wonderful past three months, and wished he had told its humorous stories, but those three months came to an end. He had lost his amazing job and had finally gone flat broke; living off tuna and potato chips. It was merely two days after he had called, and now he was being flown out to be a mashgiach in a meat processing plant, with the promise to learn to be a shochet, flight and apartment paid for. He had no idea even who he'd be working for. No idea what he'd be doing. No idea what his salary was or where Milwaukee Wisconsin was exactly on the map. He just took it.

    As the flight came over the whitened-with-snow Milwaukee, he became excited. To learn new skills and still be in a city-like enviroment in a Jewish community. Who knew; maybe he'd meet a nice girl.

     His driver, a man of most likely forty, picked him up. "Ready for the two hour drive?"

Two HOUR drive?

In an Israeli accent he replied, "Well, yes. It's two hours to Green Bay."

Green Bay, the young man thought.It must be just the same sort of city. Someone told me there was a small community there. Great I'll have plenty.

On the way his driver was really nice, but one question his driver posted to him stuck in his mind;

"Why do you want such a sh**ty job in the middle of nowhere?" 

 .....

"Welcome to what is Green Bay!"

The young man looked around. 

There wasn't... anything

    They finally arrived to the real part of the city, had a treat visit the library, and set off to the plant. They drove past brick buildings and quaint houses. It all looked like a Hallmark movie....at least there was a Wallmart.

.....

Twelve pages

    The young man looked at the twelve page legal document of which each page he had to initial; part of which clearly stated that if he was ever G-d forbid hurt or died on the the job, it simply wasn't their problem. Why? because he worked for certain people, but really was paid by a client contracted to these other people, who contracted the certain people he worked for.

???

Well I'm stuck here anyway

.....

    "We're going to our sh*ty apartment now." his driver said. The young man was to meet his new manager. The key to the apartment was given to him. They walked up the stairs and entered his manager's apartment. in sat two Israelis, one smoking a cigarette. They were good humored fellows. He was introduced and given the next day's hours.

Then it was off to his own apartment

.....

    The second of the young man's new roommates (the other being the driver himself), also forty, let him in . To his left was a table with nothing but house plants on it next to the window. To right a small messy dining room table with random things cluttering it. beyond that a fish tank by the wall, two crates stacked on one another, a closet in complete dissaray, and other bits of clutter. "Well this is your bed." His new roommate pointed.

It was a couch

a couch

     "And here's my fish tank, and this is my worm farm"

a worm farm .

great

    He was lead through the kitchen where dirty dishes were in the sink for what must have been going on a year, and shown his roommates two rooms where bombs must have gone off.

 "So how far is the Wallmart?"

"Oh I'd say two miles."

 "The library?"

 "The same"

 "The Plant?"

 "About a mile."

 "Dry cleaning?"

Confusing instructions of unknown streets

"A grocery store?"

More confusing instructions

    "You see, Green Bay is big, but It's real spread out." The young man had noticed that on account of the amount of enormous patches filled with nothing but trees he had passed by. "You mean you don't drive?" his roommate asked." "No...I'm gonna step outside."

    The young man went out in a panic. Immediately the bitter cold and immense amount of snow made him realize his coat was no match for this weather. And this was supposed to be mild. He realized there was no tight Jewish community. That he had gone from easy to navigate NY, and stuck himself not in another city, but the biggest small town in the world where nothing was close, with no knowledge of the place, and hardly any money. The young man realized he didn't even know his own address. He looked around and thought,

what

have

I

done

 

Watch 'N' Vote!

In light of the last post be sure to watch and vote!

Click the link below

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A Jewish Music Vid in Just a Few Easy Steps!

After a friend's recent submition to Jewish Star I've discovered for myself the empirical formula for all modernized Jewish music videos in existence.

==============

1. Artist. Usually walking at first then singing, often playing a guitar at this point.

2. Random scenes of buildings, the sky, the sidewalk, cars, the sidewalk again, the sky again, back to artist either in front of bricks or on a bench.

3. Introduce random Bad-Day-Guy; a random guy walking with a sad face. Hands in pockets

4. Artist again

5. Back to Bad-Day-Guy, still walking

6. Repeat step 2

7. Bad-Day-Guy either walks into store, a subway, toward a bus, toward a friend, or toward a door

8. Bad-Day-Guy either cannot pay for or breaks an item in store and owner does something very dramatic with hands, has no funds for his subway ride to no real destination, misses bus, ditched by friend, or finds door locked.

9. Begin filming artist in random locations of no particular note

10. Bad-Day-Guy walking as before. Repeat steps 7, 8, and 9 untill all variations complete.

11. Bad-day-guys sits on bench or on ground next to brick wall looking really, really sad. Viewer begins to wonder if Bad-Day-Guy will cut wrists over minor inconveniences.

12. Step 9

13. Often Bad-Day-Guy meets Random-Rabbi-Guy at this point, if not things suddenly begin to get exponentialy better for no visible reason anyway.

14. All events in step 8 magically undone.

15. Bad-Day-Guy looks happy. Did not cut wrists. Bad-Day-Guy and artist seen walking to eachother and meeting up. Viewer wonders how they wind up knowing eachother. Artist must be wizard who foresaw and saved Bad-Day-Guy through magic soul-song.

16. they walk away together. Blur out. Song ends.

The Old Age Home Experience

Being mashgiach at the old age home has perks

namely

The nice lady in a white hat (who's name I don't know other than being The-Nice-Old-Lady-in-a-White-Hat) who is never ceasing with her blessing, "to find the girl of your dreams" and showing me photos of what hotties she and her husband were back in 1942.

The little muslim girl running around the dining room with the full on garb, hiizaab and all, serving (how did she get a job here?) And making sure that "the Rabbi eat. Why the Rabbi don't eat? Here I bring food. Eat Rabbi".....I must consider if this is poisoned

Going to the Rabbi's house for shobbos where not a word of english is spoken

Constantly listening to the dishwasher complain about his job, how he hates life, and yell at all the workers

Trying to convince a man that today isn't Yom Kippur

Smiling and nodding while old ladies speak to me because they will never seem to understand that I don't speak yiddish

Singing "vesamei mucho" with that other lady since we both only know the first two words to the song

The man who always goes "eehhheeeehhaaahhhehhhhhhhhhhehhhehh!" He lives next door to my room. He wakes up at 6AM

Wondering why I have to lock a cabinet that has nothing but coffee

Watching all the residents rush (so to speak) into the room for lunch which always makes me think of a group of slow cattipilars chasing after something.

The old lady who comes by my desk every lunch, says something in yiddish, and proceeds to slap me (in a soft old lady way) in the face. Tucking in my shirt hasn't helped.

Listening to the old people argue

Listening to the staff argue

Listening to the staff complain specificaly to me about why they were arguing with the other person

Listening to the waitress fill me in on who's dating who amongst the residents and wishing I never knew.

Having the non-jewish staff correct me on where the correct utensils are supposed to go

The irony of hearing christmas music playing in a Jewish old age home

Finding magazines and books in my new room which were left behind. Then, while lying in bed, it hits me to wonder who DIED right here.

Trying to find said Muslim girl late at night to get master key and having here freak out when I find her in the hallway because she's eating alone and uncovered her hair and then I freak out too because I don't recognize her at first, just some girl really baffled to see me, then realizing who it is, but still being all baffled since it simply seems to be the theme of the moment, and her franticaly scrambling for her hiizaab and me going back into the elevator and then remembering that I never got the master key from her.

shifty eyes

Bochur walks into the room

"Manis Friedman says 1 in 3 people
Have been molested"

"That's funny because there's four in this room"

"There are"

...everyone looks left.
Looks right.
Shifty eyes.