You Can't Put a Law on Parenting

B”H

I’ve been taking these random polls on Facebook. It’s addictive because I vote, leave a comment, and then get into a long debate with people who don’t agree with me. I must admit though, the real fun comes from squashing the argument of the opposing side.

One such poll was about a proposed law in New Zealand that would outlaw parents from smacking their kids as a disciplinary measure and some talks about implementing the same thing here in the states. The poll was a simple “yes” or “no” as to whether or not this was a good law. I voted NO.

First off it doesn’t matter if it’s good parental practice or not. The fact of the matter is that it is a parental practice. You can’t make a law that will inhibit a parent’s right to raise their kids in a manner that they choose. It’s not the government’s business and it impedes the freedoms of its citizens. Such a law would be tyrannical. I for one, am wary of what should and should not be in the government’s control and unfortunately people take for granted how unnecessarily big it has gotten. If they can tell you how to raise your kids, then what’s next?

The supposed logic behind the proposition is that it will finally penalize abusive parents that beat their children. This is poor justification for a variety of reasons. The first and for-most one being that disciplinary smacking can not be compared to abuse. They are incredibly different. A responsible parent will only use enough force to correct the wrong and never does so out of impulse, anger, and certainly not for pleasure. An abusive parent will. Of course, as I was debating with strangers on Facebook, there were still people that insisted that it was. One lady in particular said, “Well I don’t understand why smacking is on the OK list and not on the abuse list.” “Because it’s not.” I responded. “Why not? You’re bringing physical pain to someone.” I thought for a second and replied, “Then why isn’t a timeout abuse? You’re imprisoning someone.” She told me she had to think on that. Another reason why this is faulty logic for such a law is because there are already officials in place to respond to such cases. Making such a law would result in such an overwhelming amount of reports that the real abusive parents would float under the radar.

Others still supported such a law for reasons that still don’t justify anything. A few people claimed that there were far better ways to raise their kids and that smacking them was not necessary. To these people I pointed out that it was great that they found a good way to raise their kids, but that was their choice. Just because they felt they found a better alternative route does not justify imposing it on other parents as well. There is no one-size-fits-all kind of parenting. There is no ultimate method of raising kids and there never will be. Every parent has their own values and every child responds in different ways. Just because one parent finds a great way to raise their kids in no way implies it will work for their neighbors. Parenting is dynamic. There is only one rule; whatever method of parenting is decided, both parents must remain consistent. But there must still be a choice. A law takes that away and criminalizes many good parents.

Still, even after all that, there were those that held fast to their argument. They claimed that smacking or spanking your kids was abusive because it teaches them violence, it’s a power trip for the parents, it demeans their character, and the list goes on and on. One man, from Denmark I believe, insisted that spanking caused everlasting damage to the child and claimed the only way to handle children was to explain and talk to them and then they would make the right choice. I had to point out that this was a little absurd. A little kid is not going to possess the intellect or maturity to just make the right choices because you made a sound argument. A child will do what he wants and will find his own ways of justifying it, especially when he realizes, as in the case with this fellow, that you’re not really going to do anything about it. And as for ‘everlasting damage,’ this was not true I pointed out. A quick shell shock and the problem is resolved. And you know what? The child doesn’t do it again! That is a lot quicker than trying to logically explain everything your children and then just have them not listen to you anyway. And I also pointed out that it wasn’t like parents smack their children right off the bat either. Most times a verbal warning is enough. I also explained that children are not owed an explanation from their parents. Parents do not need to justify themselves to their children. Later in life the child will mature and understand why their mother or father said ‘no’ in such-and-such a case. And again, once the child learns that ‘no’ means ‘no,’ there is no need to smack or spank because the child will listen to what the parent says- the first time. But the Denmark man would not let up. One woman pointed out how she sees such monstrous kids in the store wailing and screaming because they wanted something and their parents seemingly powerless to stop them. The woman explained that her kids would not do something like that because a quick swat would be coming to shut them up. To the Denmark man commented, “So you’re saying that you have no problem humiliating your kids in public?” The guy set himself up, “Let me ask you Mr. ***,” I responded, “which is better; to be constantly humiliated yourself because you have a misbehaved child or to quickly embarrass your kid once and not have to repeat it again?”

If that wasn’t enough, Mr. Denmark and others insisted that such an upbringing raised violent and bad people. To this I used myself as an example. I was raised with such parenting, and I feel that I am much more responsible, well mannered and mature because of it. My parents are constantly complemented about how polite and respectful their children are with their ‘sirs’ and ‘maams’ and whatnot. I have looked at the other kids my age, and much older, and literally thanked my parents because I’m nothing like them. So don’t tell me what kind of men and women come from such parenting. Alas, in one ear and out the other it was with these people. Finally Denmark man said, “I’ve only smacked my kid twice and it was because I was angry and I was under pressure from other things.” He set himself up again. I pounced, “Ah so there we have it. Smacking and spanking doesn’t work for you. But it works fine for many others.” That’s the whole point, whatever way you find to raise your kids is fine because there is no one way to do it. But raise your own kids.